I have talked with one of my daughters about all I could write about for a blog subject and she suggested that I write about all my struggles in life. Something that others can relate with. My bad, abusive marriage. My earlier time before marriage, and my being date raped and even stalked, My childhood that shaped me into being the woman I am today. So I guess I should begin at the beginning.
I was born in Monterey, California in May of 1961 to my parents William and Norma Webb. All seemed normal for the first five years of my life. Then it all took a bad turn. My dad left my mom for another and not long after they were divorced. My mom was with my dad for sixteen years. I have three siblings from my mom and one from my step mother along with three step brothers. I happen to be the youngest on my mom's side. Being with my dad there was security but after the divorce we struggled while my dad and his new wife always had beautiful homes. I never visited my dad a lot, not like my brother and sisters did. I was always closer to my mother. I watched her struggle with keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table and her being lonely. I guess after I grew older I became with drawn and shy.
My siblings became wild and experimented and had parties when my mom was not home making out and drinking. Because at the time I was the youngest my family at first spoiled me because I was too young to know what was happening. Then as fast as the spoiling began it stopped and I was completely confused. So when my siblings began drinking and doing drugs I would...not realizing what I was doing and when I was aware I did it because I was concerned and scared for my siblings, but I would let my mom know what they were doing. Bear in mind, I was only about 5 or 6 years of age. And because of that I was deemed and called a brat. I grew up being called that. My family didn't know the deep scar and hurt I have always suffered. It was always easy for them to make friends. I struggled and no one wanted to be my friend all because of my shyness. No one understood me.
My family began to believe things about me that was not true and that too stuck to this day. No one has ever seen the real me. That is a deep hurt I will carry it seems for the rest of my life. All I have ever wanted to be was a good, caring, loving person who craves love of her family.
I was born in Monterey, California in May of 1961 to my parents William and Norma Webb. All seemed normal for the first five years of my life. Then it all took a bad turn. My dad left my mom for another and not long after they were divorced. My mom was with my dad for sixteen years. I have three siblings from my mom and one from my step mother along with three step brothers. I happen to be the youngest on my mom's side. Being with my dad there was security but after the divorce we struggled while my dad and his new wife always had beautiful homes. I never visited my dad a lot, not like my brother and sisters did. I was always closer to my mother. I watched her struggle with keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table and her being lonely. I guess after I grew older I became with drawn and shy.
My siblings became wild and experimented and had parties when my mom was not home making out and drinking. Because at the time I was the youngest my family at first spoiled me because I was too young to know what was happening. Then as fast as the spoiling began it stopped and I was completely confused. So when my siblings began drinking and doing drugs I would...not realizing what I was doing and when I was aware I did it because I was concerned and scared for my siblings, but I would let my mom know what they were doing. Bear in mind, I was only about 5 or 6 years of age. And because of that I was deemed and called a brat. I grew up being called that. My family didn't know the deep scar and hurt I have always suffered. It was always easy for them to make friends. I struggled and no one wanted to be my friend all because of my shyness. No one understood me.
My family began to believe things about me that was not true and that too stuck to this day. No one has ever seen the real me. That is a deep hurt I will carry it seems for the rest of my life. All I have ever wanted to be was a good, caring, loving person who craves love of her family.
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